It Took Me 10 Years To Get My College Degree—Here’s What I Learned
Sometimes the detours are part of the plan
To the deep thinkers,
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When I think about how life rarely plays out the way we want or expect it to, I think of this Yiddish expression:
Man plans, and God laughs.
You don’t have to believe in an all-powerful deity to feel the weight of those words. You just have to have lived long enough to understand that things don’t always go how you want them to.
When I graduated high school in 2011, I had all these plans, and almost nothing went the way I expected. I enrolled in a local community college, started strong, and then dropped out because my personal life became overwhelming. Then I tried to go back a year and a half later and the result was the same.
I had no direction, no money, and no ambition. Things started to change when I met someone, who for some reason, believed in me and told me I had potential for greatness—I just had to stop being so hard on myself. So I decided to give college one more shot.
The third try was the toughest but also the most rewarding. I met interesting people, tried things I never thought I would, and stepped well outside of my comfort zone. It was the furthest from the experience I thought I would have when I graduated high school, but it was the experience I needed.
If you’re thinking of either going back to school or currently fighting to actualize a massive goal, maybe some of the lessons I learned will resonate with you.
Perhaps if someone had shared these lessons with me when I was 18 I would’ve enjoyed the grind a little more. But that’s life.
Sometimes you don’t appreciate phases of your life until they’re a distant snapshot in the rearview mirror of your mind.
1. Keep your eyes on your journey
Being an older college student was tough. If you’re older than 22 and aren’t a graduate student or working for the university, some people will judge you. But life isn’t linear. Many of us (myself included) travel aimlessly as we enter adulthood, without a sense of direction. But, every step we take doesn’t equal forward progress. Sometimes we step backward, or to the side, or sometimes we take a step forward and slip, plummeting to the ground and having to rebuild from zero.
Contrary to what society might say, you shouldn’t go to college just because everyone else is doing it. This was my first problem. I registered for classes because everyone around me was doing it and I didn’t want to be left behind. I assumed the four years after high school had to be dedicated to a college education. I was wrong, but I didn’t have anyone in my life offering alternatives.
Now, I’m not advocating for or against college. I’m just saying—it’s perfectly fine to take some time to figure out what you want to do with your life after high school. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing and you certainly shouldn’t be in a rush to have everything figured out.
The point is: When all you do is compare the life your peers are living with your own, you stray off your own path.
Keep your eyes on your own journey and you will arrive at your destination exactly when you’re meant to.
2. The experience is what you make it
It took until I was 22 years old to decide what career path was right for me. But I couldn’t help but beat myself up about how badly I’d messed things up. Eventually, I had to make a decision—I could continue to feel sorry for myself, or I could get my ass up and accept that I couldn’t change the past. I was, however, blessed enough to have another chance at redemption. I just had to be willing to seize the moment.
And to seize the moment I had to change my perspective. I had to change the way I talked to myself about myself. I had to stop worrying about what others thought about me.
Yes, I was an older college student, but with age came the experience, discipline, and wisdom I didn’t have before. At 22, I could balance both school and work fulltime—something I couldn’t do at 18. Some can, but I wasn’t mature enough to do it. I had to accept this and embrace whatever experience I was having, because it was all part of the process.
Self-pity wasn’t going to help me, only taking ownership of my perspective would.
You and only you decide how to interpret your life experiences. There’s always a lesson to learn and an opportunity to seize if you can flip your perspective.
3. Hard work does pay off
When I was 18, I stopped going to classes in the middle of the semester to focus on the money I was making (a laughable amount at the time, but a bounty for a teenager). Unfortunately, I didn’t realize, or worse yet, didn’t care about the consequences of going ghost in the middle of a semester.
I had to work my ass off to undo all the damage I’d done to my transcript. I started slowly, taking about two classes per semester, focusing more on establishing a balance in my life rather than overloading myself again. I’d need this kind of balance and discipline as I ramped up my workload in preparation to transfer to a four-year university.
By the time I was ready to transfer at 22, I’d become a better student. I now took pride in working hard in and out of the classroom. And this new appreciation for hard work would come in handy because, despite my efforts and preparation, life didn’t get any easier. I was in an unfamiliar town, learning how to become self-sufficient while juggling school, a job, and various internships. I lived in a state of sustained exhaustion—always doing something.
The person I was only a few years prior would’ve caved under that kind of pressure. But I was more mature now, and I was finally reaping the rewards from all the blood, sweat, and tears.
4. Playing the victim never helps
I used to have a serious victim complex. I cringe when I reflect on all the times I’ve sat around feeling sorry for myself. It’s true, I haven’t had an easy life. I grew up in a home that forced me to choose isolation as a means of self-preservation. But a rough upbringing doesn’t make me special. The more I’ve lived and the more people I’ve met, the more I’ve understood my traumas alone don’t make me unique. We all have baggage. The difference lies in what you make of your life despite all hardships.
Like Friedrich Nietzsche said:
“To live is to suffer.”
Instead of focusing on the blessings in my life and concentrating on what I could control (like my effort), I would shut down. When you feel sorry for yourself all the time, you become a zombie. This is how it felt at the time. I felt like a zombie roaming through a dense fog. I started to fail classes, and instead of working harder, I tried to ignore the mess I’d made, wandering deeper into the fog.
I didn’t use my energy to become a better student or to learn new skills. I simply felt sorry for myself and refused to be an active participant in my own rescue. So, nothing ever got better.
But as I approached my mid-twenties, I became sick of all the excuses. I was the only one to blame for the position I was in, and the only thing that could get me to where I wanted to go was putting one foot in front of the other. I had to keep moving forward. Nobody was going to save me if I stumbled or wiped out. I remind myself of this all the time, and it’s a huge reason I’ve developed the work ethic I have now.
Victims view adversity as a reason to give up. Instead, stand firm in your power and be your own champion.
As the Stoic philosopher, Seneca once said:
“How does it help…to make troubles heavier by bemoaning them?”
5. Enjoy the lost years
When I look back at my “lost” years directly out of high school I remember feeling immense amounts of depression about my situation. I was aimless, losing friends, and forced to grow up long before I was ready.
This time in my life was very painful. But there was also so much to be grateful for during those years. I met some amazing people. I grew even closer to people I’d known for years. And while I live a better life now, I don’t think I’d have the same appreciation for my life today if I hadn’t endured those years of pain.
I wish I’d been more present during my lost years because you don’t get that time back. Wherever you are right now, whether you’re thriving or struggling, remember it won’t last. If you’re thriving, don’t take a single second for granted. If you’re struggling, stay resilient and keep moving forward.
We are the result of our good and bad experiences. My journey to earn my degree was a rocky one—full of good and bad experiences. I learned so much not just in the classroom, but also about myself and what I could endure.
Even more, I came to understand that it’s foolish to try to have everything figured out right out of high school. Instead, we should be following our own path, rather than comparing ourselves to other people.
There’s nothing wrong with having plans, just know that sometimes you’ll need to roll with the punches and change course. Trust me; if you keep going, you’ll see the fight was well worth it.
What stood out to me this week:
On the power of long walks:
“If you aren’t aligning every single action you take with your ideal lifestyle, you are lost, mindless, and programmed. You aren’t making your own decisions and your mind is prone to conform to the will of others’ without even noticing it.”
— Dan Koe, The Power of Long Walks (15,000 Steps A Day Changed My Life)
This blog post by Dan may be about making the time to take walks every day, but the message is so much deeper than that. Going for walks allows us to meditate, recharge, exercise, reflect, generate ideas, and solve problems. It’s one of the easiest habits to adopt, yet many of us (myself included until recently) are too lazy to embrace it. Going for walks—like any other positive habit—takes intentionality. If you want to be healthier, if you want to unclog your mind, if you want to hear what the universe has to say to you—go outside and get your steps in.
On forming opinions:
“The ubiquity of information about everything also means that there’s a ubiquity of opinion about everything. If you want to know how to feel about a hot-button issue, you can just go online and collate the opinions of others.”
— Jim Kwik, Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life
🎵Song of the week:
Thank you for your time—feel free to let me know how this post resonated with you or share it with a friend:
And as always,
-Stay blessed.
hey Jon, loved this bit -- i super relate to it as an older college graduate. took me 8 years of wandering, seemingly endless direction-hopping, and feeling out of place -- until i found my place within and came in touch with a fire and drive like i'd never known before. so good.
if i can just add... i would say that detours are *always* part of the plan ;)