On Solitude and Inner Peace
You find freedom when you find yourself
To the deep thinkers,
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“I am solitude become man.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
As I write this essay, I am in a coffee shop in Phoenix, Arizona. This is my first trip in over a year and my first solo trip in nearly four. This particular shop is bustling with so much energy and while I am alone, I feel an interesting connection to the people around me. I'd forgotten how refreshing traveling solo could be.
Last year felt like one long existential crisis. I lost focus. I pursued selfish desires. I strayed further from myself — undoing much of the work I’d done in 2022. But sitting here alone, surrounded by strangers, I feel a fierce sense of gratitude.
I finally snapped out of my rut and recognized that while I was unhappy with the state of my life, I had the power to do something about it. It was time to tear things down—to rebuild on the remains of the life I’d become accustomed to.
Solitude has been my greatest tool during this time of renewal and reawakening. It’s in the embrace of time alone I’ve had the space to reflect on my life. In these moments I see who I really am. I see what I really want. Solitude is not the enemy, but the opportunity to find inner peace and self-understanding.
I looked at the state of my emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being, and knew things had to change. I had to stop trying to play status games...had to stop wanting more just to fit in. What I want more than anything else is inner peace. And to attain this peace, I must reconnect with my authentic self. And to do that I must embrace solitude.
Loneliness vs. solitude
Desiring human connection, but feeling alone.
The state or situation of being alone.
The first is a definition of loneliness, and the second is a definition of solitude. Both seem similar but have some distinct differences. While solitude is merely the act of being alone, loneliness is the unpleasant emotion attached to perceived isolation. You can find enjoyment in solitude. But the feeling of loneliness is painful.
In solitude, you can find a greater sense of self-knowledge and self-love. Loneliness, however, can feel like an inescapable hell.
Do you know what it feels like to be in a room full of people, some of whom you may care for deeply, and still feel alone? Or to be in a relationship with someone and feel like you’re the only one in the relationship. That's loneliness. The feeling of not belonging—of being in a place you’re not supposed to be. The feeling of not being felt. It's the desire for deep companionship without the option to fill the void.
Chosen solitude is understanding you could socialize. You could take in the sweet (or musty) aroma of other people, but you've chosen not to. Having more people around isn’t the solution to loneliness. It’s deeper than that. The solution is a deeper appreciation and acceptance of the self—and this appreciation and acceptance is usually uncovered during extended periods of solitude.
This seems paradoxical…because it is. But paradox isn't a bad thing — it can often lead us to solutions we never would’ve thought of, otherwise. When we are alone, there is an opportunity for renewal. It is a time to cultivate good energy, become your own best friend, and become independent and self-sufficient.
As Friedrich Nietzsche once said:
“Choose the good solitude, the free, high-spirited, light-hearted solitude that, in some sense, gives you the right to stay good yourself!”
Solitude, inner peace, and creativity
The world is noisy: work, home life, and our personal lives. There’s always something demanding our attention and energy. In solitude, we can mute the external world and reflect on our thoughts. These are the moments to meditate about the state of our lives.
What do you like about your life?
What don’t you like?
What changes need to happen?
What are your dreams?
In solitude, thinking of solutions to many of your problems becomes easier. You can let out whatever emotions you’ve been suppressing. You can even begin to see the world and your circumstances from different perspectives.
Creative expression has helped me make the most out of my time alone. When I am creating, I see the most vulnerable version of myself clearly and unfiltered. It’s when I feel most alive and most at peace.
We are all creative. Writing. Cooking. Rearranging your apartment. Planning a party. Creating a playlist. All of these flex your creative muscles—they are a way to express yourself. Unfortunately, many people leave their creative essence to rot. They leave it behind or never acknowledge its existence in the first place. But to me, creative expression is essential for inner peace.
Rather than looking outside yourself—to people, material things, or status—remember, that inner peace is always accessible to you. You just have to make the space for it. You have to retreat and spend time with yourself, alone.
Spend this time alone, get in touch with your creative essence, and express yourself in ways you never thought imaginable. The kind of peace you gain from an experience like this can’t be taken from you. Once you have it, the only way to lose it is to willingly give it up.
Solitude and society
Our society values interpersonal relationships so much it can often seem strange that someone would rather be alone than around other people.
For instance, think about how often the kid who eats lunch alone in a TV show or movie is portrayed as lonely and pathetic. if someone is usually alone, then other people think there has to be something wrong with them. But solitude can provide just as much relief from the angst of our chaotic lives as emotional support from another person can.
Break away from the herd to build a healthier and stronger relationship with yourself. Examine yourself—dig into the deep recesses of your being and uncover what nourishes your soul.
Much of the advice you’ll find for conquering social anxiety, sounds something like this:
You need to go to random coffee shops, bars, or nightclubs and talk to 50 strangers. Just go right up to random people and have small talk with them. That’s how you cure your social anxiety.
I think this is terrible advice. If this game plan has worked for you before, I’m happy for you. But most people with social anxiety don’t need to dive into the world of sensory overload. Having small talk with a stranger while—umtsys umtsys— plays in the background? Dreadful.
Rather, the cure for social anxiety is found during seasons of solitude. When you embrace solitude and see it as an opportunity to cultivate positive energy, you get to know yourself on a deeper level and unlock the confidence needed to thrive in social situations.
This is what did it for me. I endured years of intense solitude, living alone and in an unfamiliar town. I’d spent a ton of time alone when I was a kid, but never like this. I had to learn to nourish my spirit and become a friend to myself. Through this experience, I learned that when you’re comfortable being alone, you go into social interactions looking to add value rather than looking for other people to complete you.
In solitude, you learn what kind of people you want to be around. You develop a sense for spotting your tribe—the people you can most relate to, or who could potentially make you a better person.
Scared to be alone
Many people have a deep and very real fear of being alone. Some would rather live a life of utter chaos than one in solitude. Because when we’re alone the state of our inner world is almost impossible to ignore.
Humans are social creatures, so to an extent, I understand this fear of being alone. But how do you grow in the middle of this chaos? When do you have those inner conversations meant to get you closer to a state of deep self-knowledge? I don't think it's possible without retreating into solitude.
I know it's easier to remain in the middle of the action, to surround yourself with people—the kind who can help distract you from your psychological and emotional unrest. But there's so much value in traveling inward. You become more sure of yourself. You become someone who can always tap into a sense of peace, no matter your external circumstances.
You find inner peace when you face your demons head-on and uncover your authentic self. And when you find inner peace, you're not reliant on the company of others to feel good.
Try something for me. Close your eyes and visualize a long road within your soul. At the beginning of this road, there is a guard. The guard is there to remind you you’re the only one permitted to walk on this road. Others can support you — your friends, family, a mentor, but only in spirit. Ultimately, you must walk the road alone. Your friends and family can’t take the trip into the darkest corners of your psyche. That’s all you.
Use your time alone to look back and reflect. Find an appreciation for yourself. Look at what you’ve endured. Look at the obstacles you’ve overcome. How many times have you wanted to quit? How often have you taken several steps backward? How often have you been the cause of the stress in your life? Yet, you move forward.
Through it all, you’ve always been there for yourself. You are the only one who knows the depths of your pain. Be your own best friend. Learn to enjoy your own company, without the need of anyone else affirming your self-worth.
“Being in solitude allows one to see one’s constant anxious consideration of the opinions that others hold of you and one’s captivity in the quick pace of modern life that pressures everyone to become workaholics, the result is alienation and fragmentation of the self.”
— Nietzsche
When you embrace solitude and walk the path toward inner peace, you become self-reliant. You are more confident in your ability to handle psychological and emotional distress. In solitude, you're better able to understand what in your life no longer serves you. What do you like and what do you not like? Be brutally honest with yourself.
Create a peaceful environment you can retreat to. A place you can return to away from the madness of the world and away from the frenzy of other people’s problems. There’s nothing like having peace in your own home. So do what you can to make it your sanctuary.
Many people look to their peers or society to find meaning. They think they can look outside themselves to find inner peace. But more—more people, more things, more distractions—won’t get you any closer to it.
In solitude, you must come to terms with the demons you need to vanquish…or learn to live with. In solitude, you learn the value of presence. You learn what it means to keep your eyes on your journey. It’s in solitude you find inner peace. And when you’re at peace, you become unstoppable.
What stood out to me this week:
On Champion Bias:
“We assume winners have the best advice, but those who win rarely examine why they won, while those who lose often regretfully dwell on their mistakes. So you’ll often obtain the best advice on winning not from winners but from losers.”
-Gurwinder, 30 Useful Concepts (Spring 2024)
On commitment:
“Nothing exists by accident. Nothing that truly lasts is built out of halfheartedness. Instead, it’s about committing to your particular vision of what you wish to send out, like a messenger vessel, into the foreign and shapeshifting world. With hope, velocity, a good dose of fear. Purposeful tenacity is what makes the world function. It’s what imbues everything with both utility and beauty. Focus is what makes commitment possible, and the best commitments make you feel more alive.”
-Nix, what’s a good commitment?
To create something great, you need commitment. You need the endurance to outlast the pain, the doubt, and the failures. The greatest creations, the most loving relationships, the most beautiful art—none of it is by accident. It takes commitment. It takes tenacity. It takes being all in. If you’re not committed, you’re just wasting your time.
🎵Song of the week:
Stay blessed,
Thank you for your time—feel free to let me know how this post resonated with you or share it with a friend:
Stoked to find your writing. This is excellent and really resonates with me. You are right that there are absolutely two types of solitude. The solitude you can comfortably sink into is where all the deep inner work gets done. keep up the great writing.
That was an incredible one