The Impact of Specific Ambition

Nov 23, 2024

To the deep thinkers,

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For most of my life, I’ve known the suffocating grip of anxiety. In my twenties, it was the uncertainty of the future that filled me with overwhelming panic. Now, in my thirties, the same feeling has seemingly evolved into a sense of constant melancholy.

I am not where I thought I’d be, and it’s been difficult to cope with the consequences of many of my choices. Remaining present and grateful are fleeting feelings I must lasso in each day just to keep my sanity.

I’ve tried everything I can think of to 'fix' myself—meditation, yoga, journaling, working out, therapy—but the answers still feel out of reach. While each of these has served me in some capacity, there is nothing that soothes my anxiety like the moments when I am consumed with my writing.

Writing is my foundation. It is how I connect with my heart. I’ve often struggled to be vulnerable, and have allowed relationships to wither away because of my inability to express myself. And so, writing has been my refuge and salvation. Through it, I find connection, clarity, and the courage to express what I cannot say aloud.

All I want is to become the best writer I can be, hoping that this form of expression will one day transform my life. This is my specific ambition—the one thing that soothes my anxiety.

Whenever I am not fully invested in my writing because I’m too busy or too tired, or whatever other lousy excuse I come up with—that is when I’m at my most uneasy.

These are the moments when I truly feel aimless, feeling a lack of clarity and direction. I’ve realized that I feel this way because my ambition hasn’t gone anywhere and it’s begging to come out. It’s imploring me to direct it toward the thing I am meant to be doing and that is writing.

In those moments when I fall off the proverbial wagon, it’s tempting to lose myself in fleeting pleasures or distractions that numb my negative emotions.

Passivity and self-pity often feel like the path of least resistance. But the true antidote to the malaise and darkness that weighs on the spirit is to embrace something meaningful—something we can pour our hearts into. It lies in discovering and allowing a specific ambition to carry us forward.

When I give less time to my ambition of becoming a great writer, what follows is a nagging sense of anxiety that makes it impossible to give anything else my full attention. Even when I stray from the path, my heart and my spirit try desperately to get me back on track. It’s as though writing isn’t just what I do—it’s who I am, and ignoring it feels like betraying a fundamental part of myself.

Ambition often gets a bad rap—dismissed as greed, arrogance, or an insatiable hunger for success at any cost, exclusively. It's frequently associated with cutthroat competition, ruthless prioritization of goals over relationships, and a fixation on material rewards.

This negative perception can overshadow the more positive aspects of ambition—the drive to grow, the pursuit of purpose, and the courage to dream big and strive for better.

Ambition is simply the spirit that drives us. How we choose to channel that spirit exposes the ambition as good or bad. Many people are ambitious and don’t even know it. The energy meant to be used for their calling is there, sitting in wait, dormant, begging to be harnessed.

But without a clear vision or specific action, the energy stays bottled up looking for a way to escape. It sits heavy in the pit of our stomach, coils tightly around our hearts, and burrows deep into our grey matter. And the only way to release this energy is to take action toward actualizing our ambitions.

Self-exploration for the soul

As I reflect, I’ve come to understand that much of my existential angst has blossomed from a lack of clarity or direction. When my actions don’t align with what I feel at my core I should be doing, that is when my life feels devoid of meaning.

So to remedy this feeling of emptiness—this meaninglessness—I reach out for any superficial elixir I can find. A chase for pleasure and instant gratification ensues and my dissatisfaction over the state of my life and who I am only intensifies.

While we must remain open to spontaneity and adapt to whatever the day brings, a sense of specificity is crucial. It’s that clarity of purpose that keeps you moving forward, even when progress feels invisible or discouragement starts to creep in.

The things you want in life won’t come to you if you don’t aim for them. And you can’t aim for them if you don’t know what they are. It’s through specificity that we are best able to chart a path toward making our dreams a reality.

What do you want to do? What do you not want to do? The answers to these questions will open the floodgates. It’ll be a rabbit hole worth exploring, worth getting lost in. It’s down this path of questioning that you start to see who you want to be and how you want your life to go.

There are countless cautionary tales—both in real life and in fiction—that depict the dark side of too much ambition. But that’s the case for anything we become a slave to.

Whether it’s ambition, money, love, or even the pursuit of happiness, the danger lies in losing balance—when pursuing something becomes an all-consuming force rather than a guiding motivation.

Like any powerful drive, ambition must be tempered with self-awareness, boundaries, and a connection to our values. It’s not ambition itself that’s dangerous, but the absence of reflection, restraint, and a greater sense of purpose to direct it.

Honoring your ambitions

As a kid, I spent countless hours lost in my mental fantasies, always brimming with ambition. But as I grew, those ambitions felt trapped, unable to break free or find a foothold in my reality. Fear held me back—a deep, paralyzing reluctance to put myself or my work out into the world.

Maybe, it was a fear of being seen fully, of sharing my story and being rejected. But an ambitious person must learn to face this fear. I like to think that I am honoring my more ambitious side and my inner child when I share my writing—be it on Substack or with those in my life.

In honoring my ambitions, I’ve learned that fear is not only normal but it should be expected. We do not lose because we are afraid. We lose because we never try.

To move past fear and truly honor your ambitions, you must take deliberate steps toward clarity and action, grounding yourself in the work you love and envisioning the life you want to create.

So, spend time with the work that represents who you are at your core. Sit and craft the vision for your life and see how the anxiety begins to lift and unravel. Be specific about what you want out of your life. Yes, we all want a “good” life, but what does a good life look like for you? Negative visualization also helps. what does a bad life look like? What do you not want to spend your time on?

When I wake up, my purpose is to build my vision. I write on Substack, with the vision of building a readership. I am pursuing extra certification for my day job so that I can increase my salary and hopefully be in the position to start a family in the next couple of years. I have even taken on the role of supporter for my mom as she navigates a huge life change.

There is direction in my goals. There is something I can do every day to get me closer to the man I want to be. And when I’m locked in, the crippling anxiety is but a distant and weak cry for attention.

Is it worth the struggle?

Life is inherently a struggle, filled with challenges and uncertainties that test us at every turn.

What makes that struggle even harder to bear is traveling through it aimlessly, without a clear sense of direction or purpose. When your days lack meaning or intentional action, you find yourself adrift, vulnerable to anxiety, and a persistent sense of unease.

It’s as if the weight of life becomes heavier, not because the challenges are insurmountable, but because there’s no guiding light to show you why they matter or where they’re leading you. It’s not hardships we should fear but the feeling of meaninglessness.

Finding a specific ambition doesn’t erase the struggle, but it can transform it. It gives you something to anchor yourself to—a reason to push forward and endure.

Even when the path ahead isn’t perfectly clear, the act of moving toward something greater than yourself brings a sense of calm and clarity that anxiety cannot overshadow.

Ultimately, life is less about avoiding the struggle and more about choosing what’s worth struggling for. With specific ambition as your compass, you can navigate life’s challenges with a sense of intention and resilience, knowing that every step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to the life you’re meant to live.