The Paradox of Silence
How saying nothing can speak volumes
To the deep thinkers,
Welcome to the Deep Thinkers Newsletter: A collection of essays dedicated to going beyond the surface.
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“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts; and when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime. And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.”
— Khalil Gibran
Have you ever been in the middle of a perfect conversation—until suddenly, it’s not? That dreaded silence worms its way in, and for a moment, the energy dies.
It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and somehow unforgettable.
Picture it: you’re out to lunch with a good friend, engaged in a spirited conversation. Laughter fills the air, and the mood is perfect—until a hush falls over the table as your friend’s voice trails off, leaving both of you in a silence that seems to stretch on forever.
Finally, one of you—you’re not even sure who—breaks the silence with a quick joke. Laughter erupts, and just like that, the awkward moment is lost as you slip back into the conversation. Before long, it’s time to say goodbye.
Later, you think about how great it was to see this friend. It was pretty much a perfect outing…if only it weren’t for those hellish seconds of silence.
The weight of silence
Silence can sometimes feel unbearable, a spectral weight pressing down on us. We often treat it like a curse, something to avoid at all costs—as if quiet moments are a sign that something has gone wrong.
In our minds, silence can feel like an empty void begging to be filled with words, laughter, or any sound that proves we’re still connected. But what if silence isn’t a failure in communication, but rather a natural, even valuable, part of it?
It’s in the depths of silence that we often find the answers we’re desperately searching for. These quiet moments allow us to tap into a focused, driven version of ourselves, where our inner voice—often drowned out by the noise of daily life—finally has the chance to be heard.
Silence keeps us grounded, bringing us closer to our own minds and bodies, and helping us reconnect with what truly matters.
Yet, too often, we cling to a world of constant distractions, avoiding the stillness that offers us clarity. Silence is a gift, a sanctuary, but we often overlook it as we remain fixed on the manufactured noise around us.
“Let silence be your general rule; or say only what is necessary and in few words.”
— Epictetus
Humans are terrified of uncertainty. Not knowing is often worse than living with an uncomfortable or painful reality. At least with certainty—even painful certainty—we have something solid to stand on. In other words, there is something we can work with. Uncertainty, however, feels like free-falling with nothing to grab onto for stability.
When we’re with others and they fall silent, an uneasy tension can creep in, feeding our anxiety. Suddenly, the quiet feels heavy with uncertainty. We wonder: are they upset? Did we say something wrong?
The urge to shatter the silence with words, laughter, or any kind of noise grows strong because, somehow, silence, has come to feel like torture. We’ve drifted so far from our natural state that we’re no longer comfortable with stillness; we’re out of practice in quiet spaces. The restlessness is almost inevitable. We crave distractions…any distractions. We need music, podcasts, YouTube videos, Instagram reels—anything to keep the babayaga of silence at bay.
But this is a shallow way to live. Because a life devoid of silence is, in many ways, a life without depth.
Sitting still in silence, confronted with the state of our inner world, can be deeply overwhelming. It’s one of the hardest things for a person to face. Yet, overwhelming or not, we all need moments of quiet. Only by taking the voyage through those uncomfortable feelings can we find clarity and begin to understand our complex emotions and thoughts.
Embracing silence is not about escaping the world per se, it’s about breaking down the barrier of artificial noise that we’ve normalized. It’s about reconnecting with ourselves so that we can return to the world with a clearer mind and a fuller heart. By making space for silence, we give ourselves room to grow, to find peace, and to truly live.
Silence in a world of distractions
How often have you said something you wished you could take back—words that hurt someone or got you into trouble? Do you remember that wave of regret that washes over you afterward? You’re not alone; so many of us know that exact feeling. Yet, many times we can’t help ourselves. Sometimes it feels like the words just spill out before we can pull them back.
In embracing silence, we can move from compulsiveness to consciousness. From reactionary to mindful.
Silence is our natural state, a space where we connect with the world beyond ourselves.
Many animals rely on silence to survive, whether to avoid detection or to capture what they need to live. A lion silently stalks its prey, relying on stillness and stealth to close in undetected. A rabbit must learn to blend into their surroundings and keep quiet to avoid predators like hawks, coyotes, and foxes.
While our struggles for survival may differ, mastering silence is often the difference between truly living and merely existing in a world of pure distraction.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
This simple reminder holds a profound truth: listening is a powerful tool, one that fosters understanding and empathy. In a world that often values speaking up, we overlook the wisdom gained in moments of quiet observation and reflection.
By listening more and speaking less, we open ourselves up to new perspectives, deepen our connections with others, and gain insights that are easily missed in the rush to be heard. Silence, in this way, becomes not a lack of expression but a doorway to greater awareness and inner peace.
In the embrace of silence, we’re given the chance to choose our words carefully, becoming better communicators overall. More than that, silence allows us to connect with our inner spirit, offering inspiration in moments when we need it most.
Being comfortable with silence is a true strength—one that, once mastered, can never be taken from us.
What I’m into this week:
(…) life is not the sum of what we accomplish but rather, how we experience it. The subtle rhythms of nature visible in the crisping leaves and the sways of the reeds in the breeze, all speak to a deeper truth. Life unfolds not in grand events or productivity but in the quiet stillness between.
— Ilan Lampl, A Subtle Cure for Restlessness (Substack)
— Blackberry (2023 film)
I can’t recommend this film enough. The rise and fall of one of the early titans in the smartphone game, Blackberry is a voyage into innovation, ambition, and corporate chaos.
The film poses a thought-provoking question: how can a creator remain true to their vision and ideals in a fiercely competitive world, where refusing to compromise or falling behind can shatter everything they’ve worked so hard to build?
Jams of the week:
Much love,
- Jon ♾️
I really love this piece. I’ve always been big on listening so I can learn how to respond effectively. Thank you for taking the time to promote the power of listening carefully. Mastering Silence is a concept that someone needs to shout about! 🤣