It has kept us safe since childhood, served us very well to help is survive this long… that is all the evidence my animal brain needs to be convinced there is nothing to fix.
But we are creatures of connection, and while we can survive in the safety of isolation, we cannot truly thrive. My bunker is filled with stale air and the same cans of food day in and day out.
Surviving is no longer enough. I know you know it, just as well as I do. I can read it in your words; I’ve said the same time and time again in my journals and therapy.
“Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver
I plan to thrive. What does thriving look like to you? Why settle for less if you don’t have to? Are the old stories so precious that they can’t be archived?
I felt this so hard. I’m 41 and struggle with the same. But I wonder how much of your hesitation of living with your mom is more about how your mom raised you in a house where your emotions weren’t acceptable. Your body is screaming at you to not take her in. Because you have likely already spent decades caring for her emotional needs over your own. It is actually not your responsibility to care for a parent. It is the parents who are supposed to care for children. You’ve likely been parentified and your whole being is trying to stop you from taking this on again. You need connection yes, but not with a dependent parent. You need connection from someone who can give to you as you give to them. No more taking from you. You’re tapped out. You’re drained. You need to establish new patterns not fall back into old ones.
Thank you for reading and for sharing this. My upbringing definitely shaped some of these patterns, but my hesitation isn’t about feeling responsible for my mom anymore — we’ve made real amends. For me, it’s more about how deeply I’ve relied on doing everything alone. That instinct shows up even in healthier relationships. I appreciate you offering your perspective here, and no for a fact it's something many people deal with.
I saw these words this morning and wonder if they’ll help, “acceptance isn’t resignation”. I think you’re doing that: making peace with where you are now but still being open to positive change in the future. Love and strength.
I appreciate this more than you know. It’s the reminder I need, because, yep, I isolate so much (and am stuck in a state of isolation right now). But I keep resisting, because you’re right, I’ve always been at my best when I am actually out in the world, connecting and interacting with people and the world. Thank you for the reminder. Much love 🙏🏾
It has kept us safe since childhood, served us very well to help is survive this long… that is all the evidence my animal brain needs to be convinced there is nothing to fix.
But we are creatures of connection, and while we can survive in the safety of isolation, we cannot truly thrive. My bunker is filled with stale air and the same cans of food day in and day out.
Surviving is no longer enough. I know you know it, just as well as I do. I can read it in your words; I’ve said the same time and time again in my journals and therapy.
“Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver
I plan to thrive. What does thriving look like to you? Why settle for less if you don’t have to? Are the old stories so precious that they can’t be archived?
I felt this so hard. I’m 41 and struggle with the same. But I wonder how much of your hesitation of living with your mom is more about how your mom raised you in a house where your emotions weren’t acceptable. Your body is screaming at you to not take her in. Because you have likely already spent decades caring for her emotional needs over your own. It is actually not your responsibility to care for a parent. It is the parents who are supposed to care for children. You’ve likely been parentified and your whole being is trying to stop you from taking this on again. You need connection yes, but not with a dependent parent. You need connection from someone who can give to you as you give to them. No more taking from you. You’re tapped out. You’re drained. You need to establish new patterns not fall back into old ones.
Thank you for reading and for sharing this. My upbringing definitely shaped some of these patterns, but my hesitation isn’t about feeling responsible for my mom anymore — we’ve made real amends. For me, it’s more about how deeply I’ve relied on doing everything alone. That instinct shows up even in healthier relationships. I appreciate you offering your perspective here, and no for a fact it's something many people deal with.
I saw these words this morning and wonder if they’ll help, “acceptance isn’t resignation”. I think you’re doing that: making peace with where you are now but still being open to positive change in the future. Love and strength.
Appreciate that, Pete. That's exactly how it feels. I'm giving a bit more of myself, reminding myself it's not giving up but trying to grow.
I appreciate this more than you know. It’s the reminder I need, because, yep, I isolate so much (and am stuck in a state of isolation right now). But I keep resisting, because you’re right, I’ve always been at my best when I am actually out in the world, connecting and interacting with people and the world. Thank you for the reminder. Much love 🙏🏾