In my 70s, new losses piled on top of old ones, and they nearly crushed me. Then it occurred to me: just as the mind has selective memory, and my selective memory was skewed to loss and pain, we also have the ability to forge the narratives of our lives. At my age, that is about the only power left. And yet, it is perhaps the most powerful of the powers. I can see the past in a kaleidoscope of wonder, of comings and goings, of neutral observations that bear neither joy nor pain, of building block on top of building block. Of how I built the journey of "me." I can see the story as fascinating. It's my book to write.
You're not too young to begin working on your own narratives. Let not the world write them for you. Also, just as a tonic to painful memory, Eckhart Tolle has some mighty lessons on how to live life. Don't wait until your old and have no other options to learn these lessons.
Incidentally, your writing is the most inspiring, authentic, and courageous of any I've read. I'm about to pull the trigger on that cup of coffee!
Its one thing to read a piece you relate to that it stirs emotions and memories but this piece transcends that. Reading this, a corner of my unspoken psyche is suddenly acknowledge and seen. I cant put my finger on it but i know all the feels all too well. Definitely will keep thinking about this and reread for deeper contemplation
Loved your post...I too have experienced so much of this. I am on my own journey of finding catharsis in confronting trauma and selective memory. I'm trying not to hide and repress anymore, but to sit and process my feelings and thoughts. It's really hard! I wish the best for you as you continue to think deeply and make yourself remember.
You're writing is cathartic and prescriptive at the same time. In fact, I feel like the Gibran quote almost summarizes your piece. I hope that's not rude to say. Layer upon layer upon layer of depth reminding us that pain is part of the deal.
Very well done, particularly as your encounters with memory and pain and yearning do not end up all tied up in a neat little box with a bow on it, the way the self-help gurus would have you believe.
Nope! Not for one minute is our journey easy in encountering what happened and what cannot be changed but pulls us toward its images and feelings and thoughts nevertheless.
For my own part, I think it is important to face squarely what the past presents to us as we go about our daily lives, ostensibly miles from memories, and yet, just then, they appear. I think of such moments as instructive while at the same time they are stern taskmasters, indeed. Sometimes the memory cannot be digested all at once, but setting aside some time for reflection can allow us to enter into the maze that is our mind and come out, if not better, then wiser.
Nostalgia has become a prairie where everything that I have experienced can be seen at once! 😳 I've pre-ordered this book:
.
In Nostalgia, historian Agnes Arnold-Forster blends neuroscience and psychology with the history of medicine and emotions to explore the evolution of nostalgia from seventeenth-century Switzerland (when it was held to be an illness that could, quite literally, kill you) to the present day (when it is co-opted by advertising agencies and politicians alike to sell us goods and policies).
In my 70s, new losses piled on top of old ones, and they nearly crushed me. Then it occurred to me: just as the mind has selective memory, and my selective memory was skewed to loss and pain, we also have the ability to forge the narratives of our lives. At my age, that is about the only power left. And yet, it is perhaps the most powerful of the powers. I can see the past in a kaleidoscope of wonder, of comings and goings, of neutral observations that bear neither joy nor pain, of building block on top of building block. Of how I built the journey of "me." I can see the story as fascinating. It's my book to write.
You're not too young to begin working on your own narratives. Let not the world write them for you. Also, just as a tonic to painful memory, Eckhart Tolle has some mighty lessons on how to live life. Don't wait until your old and have no other options to learn these lessons.
Incidentally, your writing is the most inspiring, authentic, and courageous of any I've read. I'm about to pull the trigger on that cup of coffee!
Your words are much appreciated here, Kate. Thank you for sharing and for that cup of coffee!
Its one thing to read a piece you relate to that it stirs emotions and memories but this piece transcends that. Reading this, a corner of my unspoken psyche is suddenly acknowledge and seen. I cant put my finger on it but i know all the feels all too well. Definitely will keep thinking about this and reread for deeper contemplation
This is a wonderful piece 🤍
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Nina! Much love 🙏🏾
Loved your post...I too have experienced so much of this. I am on my own journey of finding catharsis in confronting trauma and selective memory. I'm trying not to hide and repress anymore, but to sit and process my feelings and thoughts. It's really hard! I wish the best for you as you continue to think deeply and make yourself remember.
Likewise, Rachel! And thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts here 🙏🏾
Such a quietly unsettling piece…
It’s strange how easily we forget what we once chose to remember —
and how fiercely we cling to things that never truly served us.
Memory becomes a mirror, but the glass is always slightly warped.
Maybe the real question isn’t what we remember —
but who we become because of it?
You're writing is cathartic and prescriptive at the same time. In fact, I feel like the Gibran quote almost summarizes your piece. I hope that's not rude to say. Layer upon layer upon layer of depth reminding us that pain is part of the deal.
That’s not rude at all! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts here, Laury. Means a lot.
You have such a beautiful way of wording your thoughts, thank you for sharing this gift :)
Thank you Michele!
Very well done, particularly as your encounters with memory and pain and yearning do not end up all tied up in a neat little box with a bow on it, the way the self-help gurus would have you believe.
Nope! Not for one minute is our journey easy in encountering what happened and what cannot be changed but pulls us toward its images and feelings and thoughts nevertheless.
For my own part, I think it is important to face squarely what the past presents to us as we go about our daily lives, ostensibly miles from memories, and yet, just then, they appear. I think of such moments as instructive while at the same time they are stern taskmasters, indeed. Sometimes the memory cannot be digested all at once, but setting aside some time for reflection can allow us to enter into the maze that is our mind and come out, if not better, then wiser.
Well said, Anon. Appreciate you sharing this perspective!
Beautifully written! Thank you.
.
Nostalgia has become a prairie where everything that I have experienced can be seen at once! 😳 I've pre-ordered this book:
.
In Nostalgia, historian Agnes Arnold-Forster blends neuroscience and psychology with the history of medicine and emotions to explore the evolution of nostalgia from seventeenth-century Switzerland (when it was held to be an illness that could, quite literally, kill you) to the present day (when it is co-opted by advertising agencies and politicians alike to sell us goods and policies).
Absolutely!
❤️🩹💜